Thursday, January 28, 2010


I have a few pet peeves. One of them is taking responsibility for yourself, your actions, your job, your life, and the 2nd is always try to treat others they way you would want to be treated. I don't always live up to either of them but I do my best to make sure I don't do it consciously. When I see someone else stomping all over both of these peeves I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. In this particular case I don't work for this person or her doctor so I have no say either way in how their patients are treated but I was hard pressed to keep quiet. It took longer for this person to argue with the patient about why she wouldn't do it than it would have to give him what he wanted, which by the way wasn't rocket science and would have taken all of 5 minutes. As soon as I heard "it's not my job" I was seeing red. It's a good thing I'm not her boss or she would have been fired on the spot. Hence the pic..LOL Aside from that the day still sucked, nothing went right, everything took longer than usual and it took a shower, Taco Bell and a drink to make it right again.
Okay enough venting about work....and yet that seems to be all I have to say today. Now that I've vented to the world at large (or my one reader, depending on how you look at it LOL) I feel better. I also feel a little sleepy and ready for mindless entertainment. :-)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Pretty new blog page :)

Thanks to my wonderful, awesome, amazing, talented cuz I have a new pretty blog header and profile! It is so me too, I keep staring at it instead of blogging LOL!
It looks all professional and "bloggish" :-)
Today was pretty boring at work (that's not really a bad thing LOL, I work at a doctor's office) and now I'm all happy and excited.
I'm a little irritated though, I've somehow lost part of my short story and I have no clue where it went. I had written a whole ending to it that added about 1500 words and now poof it's not there. Grrrr....So now I'm going to have to try and get back into the muse of that story and rewrite the ending. Sigh. I really liked the old one :(
OMG - the wife has apparently lost her mind, she's ARGHING at me like a pirate...although it could be because I irritated her ;-)
I'm hoping if I write here long enough tonight I'll miraculously gain inspiration and get back to work on my book. Think positively for me :)

Monday, January 25, 2010

Roller coasters and randomness

I love them. I used to be terrified of them and then one day at Disney World I realized I was a 32 year old who was letting my fear get in the way of my fun. That unfortunately is a theme in my life but I digress...I got on the biggest roller coaster I could find (Everest at Animal Kingdom), I figured it couldn't get any worse than that. It was scary and breathtaking and altogether awesome once I got my legs back under me LOL! Since then I've tried to remember that feeling, the complete surrender of control that resulted in some actual fun, and duplicate it when fear gets in the way. I tell this story because my life right now feels like being on a giant roller coaster, absolutely no control and going much too fast to register half of what's going on. I'm not sure if this is normal and I've just been living like a hermit crab and now I'm getting swept into the current of real life and don't know how to handle it or if this is not normal and I just need to make an effort to slow it down. I think if I could let go of some of the fear of the unknown it might be fun, or at least interesting.
Ah well, back to the mundane. I did survive the car tag drama, obviously. Two different tag offices, two looooong lines, and a whole heck of a lot of driving later I have my tag. I always find people watching in lines amusing. There are those that simply wait their turn quietly, those that are loud and irritated at having to wait and they make sure EVERYONE knows it, and then those in between that don't make a lot of noise with their mouths but their body language says it all. I fall somewhere towards the latter, LOL!
Confession: I call myself a writer but I'm too scared to pursue it beyond my own little world.
I've been writing since high school, poetry back then and now more fiction than anything. The poetry apparently died down with the teenage drama LOL. Whenever I let anyone read my short stories or book (partial) they tell me it's amazing and they want more and I should find a publisher, etc. I want to believe them but they're family (mom, cuz and wife) and part of me keeps whispering to me that they're just being nice like those people on American Idol that can't sing but they're families keep telling them they're the best thing since sliced bread. I feel sorry for those people and I do NOT want to make a fool of myself by exposing my precious prose (they're my babies!) to the outside cruel world ;-) Again it's the fear talking and I know I just need to ride the roller coaster and I am trying, it's just so damn scary!
And that ladies and gentleman is enough randomness for today - aren't you glad you aren't in my head!!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Time flies..

whether your having fun or not! LOL ;-) How the hell did it get to be Friday already? This week has been a blur - especially yesterday, up at 5am (ugh) and didn't get in bed until midnight. Long day is an understatement. I got pretty great sleep last night so if it weren't so cloudy and cold outside I'd be in the perfect mood, as it is I'm in a pretty good one. Even considering I have to go get my tags done today in two different counties...because my mom is on my loan as primary and she lives in another county I have to pay taxes there and fill out some stupid form and then come back to my county and get the actual tag sticker. Yeah it doesn't make sense to me either but whatever. I'll update you all as to how it went tonight...keep your fingers crossed ;-)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Not such a good day...

The wife had a migraine - I really hate to see her suffer like that and not be able to do anything other than put towels over the windows to keep the light out. Then I got a headache and felt like crap halfway through the day. I'm so overwhelmed with trying to figure out how to survive and pay the bills I feel like I'm drowning today. Most days I can keep it together but today wasn't one of them. I think my body was just reacting to my panic.
The evening has been better, I got into the kitchen and cooked dinner and that always makes me feel better as long as I can drag my butt in there in the first place. We watched AI and laughed and cringed at the crazies. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight.
Favorite New Quote:
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." ~Marilyn Monroe
Amen sister!!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Welcome to Slugville

I have been a complete and total slug this weekend - the first time I went outside the house was this afternoon to go to the store. I think my last two weekends of 16 hour drives and frenetic pace finally caught up with me. I feel bad because I barely saw cuz her last two days - okay so I didn't see her at all. I'm sure she had fun exploring the city but I feel like I abandoned them. I did have fun with B, cuz's youngest son, though - played WOW for way longer than is probably healthy LOL. He's an awesome kid - I'm old enough to be his mother so I feel more like an aunt than his cousin. I'm definitely the cool aunt thought LOL! Mom and Dad are going to kill me when he starts begging for a WOW subscription - sorry guys!!
Back to work tomorrow so I'm trying to drag myself back into the land of the living. I so don't want to right now. Ugh.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I had forgotten...

how much I hate the first weeks of AI - such crap. It irritates me how patronizing this show is and yet I watch it, what does that say about me? At the moment I'm too tired to really contemplate my hypocrisy.
Today is the beginning of my weight loss journey - this one will have to be successful because my health really does depend on it this time. I did 22 minutes of Wii Fit tonight, warmed up with the balance games and then did some aerobics and yoga - oh my abs! Drinking water now - it's going to take some effort and attention to not come home and grab a beer and lay down in front of the TV. Bad habits aren't created overnight but in this case they're going to have be broken overnight. At least I have help and support at home - and people who will kick my ass if I don't listen to the doctor.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Back to the present!

Monday was slug day - at least after my doctor's appt. My glucose # is above normal and I've had 3 borderline high blood pressure readings at my last 3 visits. My doc is all over me to lose weight - she's really concerned w/ my #'s given my age (thirty-something). Sigh. I know how to eat properly I've just lost the energy to put that as a priority. Something else we discussed - I've been on Wellbutrin since my last visit a month ago and now she's up-ing me to 300mg. I'm a little nervous about that. I really don't want to be dependent on drugs but I know I need a little help right now. I'm hoping as I try to re-engage in my life and with the people in my life I will see an improvement in me.

Today was back to work - really decent day! Things went smoothly and I was very grateful for that. Watched the 1st night of AI and I'm not sure I can stand it another season but I love Ellen and I'm determined to at least watch through to her first episode to see how she does. I'm pooped and done a ton of typing getting everything caught up. Night all :-)

Sunday 1/10/10

WARNING - not a good day - thank the hormones for this one - a touch more anger and cursing than usual ;-/

Oh Fuck. Today is apparently one of those days I don't need to be interacting with humans. First off my period came last night, thanks ever so much, and my hormones are raging. Everything and I do mean everything is pissing me off right now. Even the fact that it's so bright and fucking sunny outside today - why can't the weather match my mood - I don't feel like that's asking too much. All of us are a little touchy today - except perhaps my wife (also known as Producer girl), and feelings are a little too close to the surface for sanity. Sigh...some days I wish I still smoked. At the moment we're tracking guitars and by "we" I mean out of 6 people in the room 2 of them are actually working LOL. I think musicians have this bizarre ability to be sexy regardless of what they actually look like as soon as they pick up an instrument - so unfair! Anyway...this part is pretty boring but that is probably mostly due to my mood. I'm also not looking forward to another 7-8 hour drive back home, although at least it's not raining. I'll probably actually appreciate that stupid sun once I'm driving.

I am in full fly mode today - they're all talking about who knows what and I'm over here scribbling my rantings and observations - I guess I'm projecting that fuck off vibe pretty well. It's days like this that my irritation and if I'm being honest jealousy are hardest to ignore. I feel like I've never and probably won't ever do anything as cool as this. True or not that's how I feel today. Good grief now I'm irritating myself with all this whining. If I want to make something happen it's up to me - I should just enjoy this experience and get over myself.

Ahhhh!! I think I've finally gotten to the point where I could stand not to hear this song for a few days. Especially this little part they're trying to get the guitar part right for & I've heard like 20 times. Ugh! The lava lamp looks like a jelly fish right now - in an hour or so it'll take on sort of a scrambled egg appearance and finally by the end of the day it'll finally look like it's supposed to with the bubbles. Heh - how's that for randomness.

Have you ever had to sit somewhere and look the outside like you're peaceful and calm but on the inside you are literally screaming. Most of the time I can ignore people's BS but today I just don't have the patience to filter it out. The Engineer is pissing me off at the moment - he acts like because he can push the stupid little buttons that everyone else in the room is a mere nuisance and we should be happy that he allows us in his presence. WTF. Right not I'd gladly take one of his guitars and bash him over the head. But he's my wife's best friend and I can't so I have to keep my mouth shut and channel the fly. Has anyone ever actually exploded from anger?

Long, long, long drive but luckily uneventful - got in around 2am. Too tired to think. Hopefully tomorrow will be less colored by the hormone monster.

Saturday 1/9/10

Second day in the studio, this AM we're tracking vocals, considerably less deafening - hehe. I have the funny feeling I'm going to be bored by this song by the end of the day and 40 times hearing it but it's still pretty cool that I'm here at all. Who knew that a part of my family that I hadn't seen in 30 years would become so intricately a part of my life now. I've been cut off from most of my family for so long, probably because of my reclusive parents but it's almost hard to know how to act around them because of that. I've recently discovered that I have a problem showing and accepting affection, I've realized how much it's effected parts of my life - I haven't let people in and I don't know how yet. I want to learn and I'm trying to figure it out but it's a little scary. Ugh. I keep digressing into randomness, oh well LOL no apologies. We're on the 5th run through and she keeps getting better, finally putting some some real heart into it and it's mind blowing in the best way. She is scary good. It's a lot more mellow today in the studio without the musicians but at least my ears aren't numb :-)

Much later in the afternoon now - had to go on a gopher run to break the monotony because even though I love the song 20 times is enough to drive even the most ardent fan a little nuts. I will say it's a fun atmosphere in here - I've never been in a "session" before so I don't have any references but there's a lot of laughing going on, pretty great vibe if you ask the fly. The producer (wifie) and the mom (mamma cuz) are conspiring on how to get the emotion out of GE - LOL. I'm busy watching the lava lamp bubble and swirl and reading Twilight for the 2nd time. Go Team Edward ;-)

Back at the hotel - today was amazing. The vocals are done and they are kick ass! Tomorrow we do filler guitars and percussion because we even got the harmonies done today :-) We had a good dinner at IHOP, everybody said we started a new tradition, going there after a good session. The girl is already in bed, Mom's on the puter and watching Dallas cream Philly, Producer is next to me having a drink and watching the game too. I wish I understood football, well okay so that's actually not true...if I really did I would. I guess I just wish I understood the point of a bunch of men trying to beat the crap out of each other over a funny shaped ball (sorry Deniz). And what the hell is a down, no one can seem to articulate it in a way that makes me understand or give a damn. Hell, when did Keith Brooking get traded to they trade in football or is that just baseball? Hmm...another pointless ball game I can't play LOL. EEEEEWWWWWWW!!! some stupid football player just spit on the sidelines - what the hell is that about?! LOL - OK maybe 3 screwdrivers and a very exciting day cause for interesting though pathways. Oh crap, it's 11:30pm!! How'd that happen? I just checked and it's was 10:30 - what the hell happened to that hour :-( I guess it's true that time flies when you're having fun :-) Night all - love ya!

Long but exciting weekend...

I'm just going to jump right into my life - no real explanation, if you have questions I'll respond to comments.
I didn't have a computer w/ me most of the weekend so I had to pen and paper it to document everything.

Friday - 1/8/10

Wow. Sitting in a freezing warehouse studio tracking the 1st song of baby cuz's (henceforth to be known as GE) album and I begin to see a glimmer of the future. The mood lighting goes up and the drummer starts and so do the goosebumps. Being a part, if only that of the gopher, of something like this....well words just don't seem sufficient. Oddly enough there is a kind of lonely feeling to it, like I suddenly feel like that proverbial fly on the wall always watching but never quite being a part of something. God I hate it when I get all profound. It's true though. I've never finished anything in my life from the small stuff like my crochet or needlepoint projects to bigger things like my book, horses, a career...myself. Well there was one thing, something I'm more proud of than I can express that culminated in an event that was more profound that my first birth. If I could explain I would and perhaps one day I will but now is not the time. Anyway, back on topic - LOL - was there one? Yes, I was being depressing and self indulgent. Heh. But seriously...I never realized how both boring and exciting this "pre-production" stuff is. Damn this drummer is fucking awesome! Sorry, he's all I can hear at the moment - there's a vocal & guitar in the mix but without headphones your pretty screwed to hear them. Ooh, I got to listen thru the headphones! Wow, is all I can say. I can actually see in my head an arena full of people screaming for this girl and I'm sitting here on a leather (faux?) couch with icicle lights, a lava lamp & incense (no not kidding about any of those) listening to the very beginning. Pretty exciting shit. Too bad I'm going to be deaf by the end of the night LOL! Aside from the musicians, the engineer is pretty damn cool too, hovering over the board in this sort of lion over his prey/mother over her child stance and turning and pressing incomprehensible knobs that apparently actually do shit. Oh damn, drum solo...more deafness but greatness resides there!!! Takes my breath away. If only I could hear the rest I'd probably be on the floor.
Confession: The engineer has great hands, very sexy...god I hope he never reads this :-/....
Later in the evening...
Crap. I'm trying to write my book, or at least more of it, but reality for once is far more interesting than the world in my head. Who knew that was possible?! It's not that I don't want to write, it's that I can't get into my character's head because I'm too stuck in mine. I guess that's a good thing.
On to Saturday in the next post :-)