Monday, January 25, 2010

Roller coasters and randomness

I love them. I used to be terrified of them and then one day at Disney World I realized I was a 32 year old who was letting my fear get in the way of my fun. That unfortunately is a theme in my life but I digress...I got on the biggest roller coaster I could find (Everest at Animal Kingdom), I figured it couldn't get any worse than that. It was scary and breathtaking and altogether awesome once I got my legs back under me LOL! Since then I've tried to remember that feeling, the complete surrender of control that resulted in some actual fun, and duplicate it when fear gets in the way. I tell this story because my life right now feels like being on a giant roller coaster, absolutely no control and going much too fast to register half of what's going on. I'm not sure if this is normal and I've just been living like a hermit crab and now I'm getting swept into the current of real life and don't know how to handle it or if this is not normal and I just need to make an effort to slow it down. I think if I could let go of some of the fear of the unknown it might be fun, or at least interesting.
Ah well, back to the mundane. I did survive the car tag drama, obviously. Two different tag offices, two looooong lines, and a whole heck of a lot of driving later I have my tag. I always find people watching in lines amusing. There are those that simply wait their turn quietly, those that are loud and irritated at having to wait and they make sure EVERYONE knows it, and then those in between that don't make a lot of noise with their mouths but their body language says it all. I fall somewhere towards the latter, LOL!
Confession: I call myself a writer but I'm too scared to pursue it beyond my own little world.
I've been writing since high school, poetry back then and now more fiction than anything. The poetry apparently died down with the teenage drama LOL. Whenever I let anyone read my short stories or book (partial) they tell me it's amazing and they want more and I should find a publisher, etc. I want to believe them but they're family (mom, cuz and wife) and part of me keeps whispering to me that they're just being nice like those people on American Idol that can't sing but they're families keep telling them they're the best thing since sliced bread. I feel sorry for those people and I do NOT want to make a fool of myself by exposing my precious prose (they're my babies!) to the outside cruel world ;-) Again it's the fear talking and I know I just need to ride the roller coaster and I am trying, it's just so damn scary!
And that ladies and gentleman is enough randomness for today - aren't you glad you aren't in my head!!

1 comment:

  1. scary enough in my own!! ;)
    just know.. i'm not telling you that your writing is good.. just because i'm family!!! you ARE a talented writer girlie!!! so shut that paralyzing fear NOISE down.. and share your wonderful writings! :D