Tuesday, September 28, 2010

One day at a time

No, not the TV show LOL. It's the attitude I've had to adopt wholeheartedly recently. I have to give thanks each day that I still have a house, a car and food to eat and realize that each day is precious regardless of how scary things are. I also have started a new diet - one that I have witnessed results from other people that have done it. I'm always good at starting the diet, it's about a month into it where I start to loose focus that I have to step back and remember the mantra...one day at a time. I've also had to accept the fact that I have an addiction to food. This was a hard realization and one that I had denied for so long. I always used the excuse that I'm a "foodie", I couldn't bear the thought of giving up my yummy dinners out taken away by the diet monster. I came to realize how big of an excuse it really was - Chick-fil-A is not frickin' fine dining here people and that's the type of thing I was typically eating. I can only hope that these realizations will stick with me through the coming months and this time it will work.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Time is one of those things that both sneaks up on you and hits you in the head with a two by four alternatively. Lately it's been doing both to me. So much has happened over the past month or so since I've posted that I can't even begin to go into nor do I particularly want to relive any of it. Suffice to say it's been a difficult time that I only recently have felt like I'm coming out of. I am now in a financial situation that I know I will emerge from but being stuck in it sucks...I could really use $200K if anyone has it to spare! ;-) The other side effect of all this emotional crap is that I have been completely unable to write. It's as if my brain was disconnected from my hands - the conduit shut down completely. Luckily that seems to be slowly mending as well, whew! Now all I have to do is reconnect with my body - I've let myself get back to my highest weight and I feel like crap, another reason the writing has been a problem. It's harder for me to write if I feel yucky - I know for some people that's inspiration but for me it's like trying to see through a dirty window. I hate feeling this way because I know if I just try it will get better so quickly but the thought of actually trying makes me want to cry because I feel so crappy - the ultimate catch 22. Okay, enough whining for one day...