Yikes...

I'm watching the first performance night of American Idol. All I can say is...wow...and not in a good way. I think may one girl so far that hasn't sucked ass and I wasn't expecting that one to be good. They've all been off or boring, the song choices are random which is probably due to the crap they let them chose from but STILL. Apparently the judges are all on crack or it sounds way different in the studio because none of them are being as critical as I would be if I were there.
Today was actually a decent day at work, I came home and sprawled across the bed to talk to the wife and fell asleep on her leg, LOL. I woke up almost an hour late and we were both curled up, me with my head on her leg, asleep. It was too cute :-)
Oh hell yeah! Crystal Bowersox is the shit! So far she's the only one who's nailed it. I can't wait to see what she does next. If she's gone next week AI banning will happen...grrr...!

Losing a friend

There are no words to explain what it's like when you have to say goodbye to one of your pets. My sweet cuz had to experience that today with her "grumpy old man" and while I try to offer my love and condolences I know first hand how little those words help. I've had to say goodbye to many a friend and I can honestly say it's no easier than saying goodbye to your human friends and family. The heart loves no differently, at least not in my experience, and when your loved one is separated from you it rips away a part of you. Time, in my opinion, does not heal all but it does ease the agony at least. I will never forget or stop loving my babies. So this post is dedicated to the sweet darlings of our past; Grey Kitty, Daisy, Muffy, Franky, Arty, Ashley Bear, Steamer and today's sweet baby Maddox. May you all rest is the most blessed of peace and I hope we meet again.

Sick and tired...

of being sick and tired. Most of my house is sick and we're all miserable :-( The only good thing is it's snowing! It almost never snows here so it's a rare treat. It'll be gone by Monday so I'm enjoying it while I still can. I don't seem to have much to say at the moment, perhaps it's because I'm drowning in phlegm (eww), so this will be short post today. Hopefully I will be well soon and back to my normal opinionated self.

Deja Vu and waxing philisophical...

It's a weird feeling, sitting there and all of a sudden you know without a shadow of a doubt that you've been exactly where you are doing exactly what you're doing. It's like the shadow of a memory but stronger sort of. It's not like any other feeling I've ever had. I've been having deja vu since I was a kid, it doesn't happen very often but it does still happen even now. For example, today I was sitting at my desk, posting checks, and that familiar yet still creepy feeling came over me. There's never any warning and it's always shocking and rather unsettling but still oddly reassuring. I've developed sort of a theory as to what it is but it probably won't be popular with most of you. I feel like it's flashes of other lives, not necessarily past lives because I don't thing time is linear. I feel like our souls are on a path of enlightenment, why is not for me to know on this plane of existence, but we're here to learn whatever lessons we can. I think until we learn the lessons required to move on we live the same general lifetime over and over and occasionally the soul suddenly remembers random moments. If you're rolling your eyes at this point or ready to boil me alive that's fine but I'm not trying to change your mind, just explore mine.

Getting older scares the hell out of me...

I'm not old nor am I close to being there but I work in an environment that is saturated with old (75+) people. I see what it means to grow old, to lose your motor skills, to lose your mental acuity, to lose what it means to be young. Your opinions grow old too, you grow closed off to changes in society, to changes in your life, to change at all. I suppose I see them at their worst, when they're ill, but it doesn't make it any easier trying to justify it. Some day I will slide into that existence as will everyone I know. It scares the crap out of me. How do I keep it from happening, how do I stay young at heart if not of body? Is it the mere acknowledgment of the potholes of the journey? Or is it simply the inevitable ending to life? I don't have the answers, I'm not sure anyone does, and I don't want to make it sound like I'm obsessing every day about this. It's just been on my mind of late as I've been interacting more with patients lately.
On a lighter note...LOST starts back tonight!! I admit to being totally hooked, curiosity has gotten the better of me and I must see it through to the end. I seriously hope the writers are as brilliant as they have made themselves out to be because if the end of this thing doesn't live up to the hype I will be sorely disappointed and more than a little pissed. Oh well, I'm going to try and enjoy the ride and wait for the answers like everyone else, something I'm not good at ;-)