Where to begin

I feel a stranger in my own blog. I've gone through so much since my last post that I can't even imagine how to update you all. I've decided not to try. There's so many terrible things and great things that it would take another year to try and say it all. I will just say this...I've been to hell and back and I'm a better person for it. To give you an idea of how bad, I haven't written a word (either here or my novel) in almost 2 years. I lost my voice. I lost my desire to have a voice. Depression? Probably. Growth? Definitely. I'm finally seeing the light and feeling the light and learning to hope again. I can't guarantee I'll be here everyday but I can say that I actually WANT to now and that's huge. A few random (and I do mean random) vents to keep you entertained until I poke my head up again: WHY, if you are standing 3 feet from me do you put your item on the shelf instead of handing it to me to put back? I'm RIGHT HERE. Please don't return something if you've eaten part of it, that's gross. I don't care if it will save you three whole dollars, you took that risk when you bought it. Attention all camera operators and film makers!!! NO we CAN'T fix it all in Post! Oh and keep the damn camera still please. And please STOP changing your camera settings during a LIVE scene - I can't use it if you do that...grrrrr.

See what I mean!

My last post was on the 1st and now here I sit looking at the date and it's the fucking 8th! How the HELL did that happen?!? I have absolutely no clue. It's frustrating to feel like you're loosing so much time! It's not like I black out or anything it's just that the days run together so fast that I feel like I'm barreling out of control in some unknown direction. I spend so much time worrying about what needs to get done or might be coming around the corner to get me that I just keep my head down and keep moving - obviously that's the answer to the "where did the time go" question...I do feel like at some point we will get out of this financial situation and into a very bright and happy future - I just hope and pray we get there before we lose everything. There has to be a lesson somewhere in all this chaos, it's just slowing the scenery down enough to pick out the details. I know I should probably be meditating but I can't sit still that long - too many monsters in the closet so to speak.
One good thing today though, we finished the football (unpaid job, ugh) video and will be handing it over on Friday :-) It looks fantastic, especially when you consider how crappy the footage we were given to work with! I really think the parents will be blown away and maybe we can get into their booster budget next year and actually get paid for it next time. We are at least putting our name and logo in the credits so maybe we'll get some free advertising out of it - you never know who might be the parents of one of these kids (fingers crossed!!). The sitcom project is going to have to be reshot but the upside is the writer has asked my wife to direct!! So exciting! If we can get this show picked up by a network...finger's so very crossed!!!!!
I've gotten a little more content editing done on the book - focus on the word little LOL. Perhaps I'll do some of that now - night all :-)

Time

Time is one of those things that both sneaks up on you and hits you in the head with a two by four alternatively. Lately it's been doing both to me. So much has happened over the past month or so since I've posted that I can't even begin to go into nor do I particularly want to relive any of it. Suffice to say it's been a difficult time that I only recently have felt like I'm coming out of. I am now in a financial situation that I know I will emerge from but being stuck in it sucks...I could really use $200K if anyone has it to spare! ;-) The other side effect of all this emotional crap is that I have been completely unable to write. It's as if my brain was disconnected from my hands - the conduit shut down completely. Luckily that seems to be slowly mending as well, whew! Now all I have to do is reconnect with my body - I've let myself get back to my highest weight and I feel like crap, another reason the writing has been a problem. It's harder for me to write if I feel yucky - I know for some people that's inspiration but for me it's like trying to see through a dirty window. I hate feeling this way because I know if I just try it will get better so quickly but the thought of actually trying makes me want to cry because I feel so crappy - the ultimate catch 22. Okay, enough whining for one day...